Now that I Should Be Sleeping...

In an act of great discipline, I put down my almost-finished, glorious glove so I could tidy up and get to bed at a reasonable time. But then I do that thing that I will sometimes regrettably do and clicked on for one quick game of Minesweeper. Does anyone else play this? If not, it is almost assuredly on your computer with the other games like Solitaire. Check it out. It's a great opportunity for those of you who may be looking for other meaningless ways to waste hours of your valuable time.

I'm a bit fixated on it right now because my 13 yo son can tackle the expert level in an absolutely ridiculous amount of time. While I sit there staring at the screen with my eyes starting to burn while I'm trying to be sure if the 2 I'm looking at is really already touching 2 mines or not, his fingers (and mind) fire through the keys without ever pausing. It's really astonishing. And annoying.

Annoying because I get stuck to the screen when I could be sleeping trying to beat my depressingly average time and can't. No, I actually seem to keep getting worse.

You see, I've always had a thing about being "average". There are very few things I'm really great at... and, for some reason, I've been haunted most of my life by this fact. I'm not a good housekeeper, cook or organizer... all important qualities for a mother of 5... a position I constantly marvel at given my complete lack of corresponding skills.

I can knit... but I'll certainly never be North America's Fastest Knitter or even as good as my grandmother was. But mind you, it's not really fame and glory I seek. No, it's just being better than those around me. A lot better. A humble goal really.

So as I was playing my umpteenth "one more game" of Minesweeper, I began to think of the accomplishments in my past... the things that were or are above average... the moments that made me shine. This is what I've come up with.

• I got straight A's the first semester of my Jr. year of high school... which was, not coincidentally, my first semester of high school without the required P.E. class.


• I passed a college Philosophy class on Logic with a C+. A fact that is only remarkable when you consider that I never went to a class or read the material. But it was logic... and I am nothing if not logical. (This is where my great gift of denial comes in so handy... if I really let logic rule my life it would be much more boring... and I'd have much less yarn...)


• I taught my husband how to beat the original Super Mario Brothers when we met. (Read, I was better than him at SMB.)


• I was the first (and I believe only person) in my family to beat the entire Super Nintendo version of SMB when it came out. (Gotta love maternity leave.)


• I hold the fastest household score on Tetris.


• And, although it is with more shame than pride that I include this, I can shotgun a beer faster than my 20 year younger brothers and cousins. This has only been tested a couple of times but is considered quite an accomplishment and makes my husband incredibly proud. It also offers assurance to my mom that my (many) years of college were not a total waste.


• Oh, I'm also a woman of strong convictions with a great passion for asserting those on listening ears (willing or unwilling doesn't matter much to me). Put short... I'm quite good at arguing.

Clearly, as you can see, I was quite a catch and my husband is obviously a lucky guy.

Now I have to go prepare for an uncertain night. Daniel was sick with, what we hoped and prayed, was a short isolated bout of food poisoning on Friday... however, recent evidence indicates that it was not isolated but viral so I must make ready. Years of dealing with 5 children and the flu have taught me a few things so I will now cover all the carpeting between the child's bed, my bed and the bathroom with drop clothes, towels and whatnot. The path to my bed is important because they almost always feel the need to come to me personally with the news that they really aren't feeling well instead of heading straight to the bathroom and giving me a shout. I suppose they are just seeking the gentle comfort of my sleepy cry of, "Well go! Go! Get in the bathroom! NOW!" (Yeah, compassion doesn't really make my list either.)

But hey... preparing for stomach flu. I'm certainly good at that! And without a doubt, much, much better than DH who once informed me that he just really couldn't stand cleaning up after a sick child. Geesh! What's not to love about it?

Oh well, he has many other redeeming qualities that don't even involve video games. Not to mention that he has to put up with me, so he's surely a keeper.